Saelynn's Blog

Passions of a library nerd

On people knowing me

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At 24 years of age, I’m starting to deal with something resembling popularity.  It is weird and makes me uncomfortable.

I’m co-convener of an interest group in a local association, and that has led to opportunities with speaking at the association’s conference, publishing an article in their newsletter and running our interest group’s blog.  With the new-ish full-time job it means that people know who I am, and want to talk to me.  It is weird.

Part of me is thrilled, the lonely, socially inept teenager I was really likes the idea.  But most of me is worried.  Worried about letting people down, worried about missteps, and social faux pas.  I know that they are inevitable and a part of life, but I’m a fretter and I fret.

Every time I see my name mentioned in a report (at the job or the interest group) I worry about how it will look in 5 years, I worry about future employers searching my name, and mostly I worry about my personal life and my work life meeting.

These worries intersect with popularity (or notoriety) in that as an anonymous high school student, college student and on-call worker my online life was completely unlikely ever to come out.  As a professional who is doing well in my field anonymity is a bit harder to hold on to.

I don’t want to feel like I’m compromising any of my passions; work, friends, hobbies, or anything else, in order to hold onto one of them.

For example, my other non-professional blog contains my current creative writing endeavors, most of which is both questionable in quality as well as being explicit in content.  Do I want to be judged for my hobbies?  Not really, but I have heard enough tales of people being fired/not hired, etc. for their online activities that I am a bit paranoid.

Overall, I think that I’ll go on as I have, and enjoy blogging as I go.  But I’ll worry.

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Written by saelynn

February 20, 2010 at 5:06 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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